Fifty Shades of Greene

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Damn. Blew it. Opportunity Lost. An English major who finally had a real chance to create something which could have established his eternal wealth. I’m pretty sure this book concept would have broken all summer reading records – it was going to be called Fifty Shades of Greene.

Yeah, yeah, I know – somebody stole the idea already. There’s some other book out there with a similar name – Fifty Shades of Grey or something like that. Grey isn’t as exciting a color as Greene; and Greene’s a better play on words since my last name is, you know, Greene.  Although, the other book seems to be really popular…oh, and it’s already a three book series.

Popular is an understatement. On a spring getaway earlier this year literally every single woman on the beach was reading this book. Most were reading in paperback, while others madly clicked pages on their Kindles (probably the shy girls reading in secret).

No matter what the content vehicle the scene each day was the same for their version of literary therapy:

Each of the women on the beach reading Grey would read a little, shift around a little…read a little more, shift around A WHOLE LOT more…and then finally get up to go cool off in the ocean.  And, as the instructions say – “return to your chair and repeat as necessary until totally exhausted.”

Like the Joy of Cooking (except the utensils are more important than the ingredients) readers of this book ranged across many generations – Daughters, mothers, grandmothers…What a book!

Fun part is that nobody will discuss Grey in the open.  When women of all ages gather together, it’s whispered questions like “have you read IT?” Or in some communities, there are reading clubs/book parties where women bring some of the “toys” described in the book to “discuss.” All I know is there’s a whole lot of winking, nodding and blushing going on within the female community when the name of this book pops up in conversation.

Sure the men are trying to get into the act saying things like “how’s that working for you?” Or, “notice any changes?” And we all laugh, knowing full well that in reality Grey isn’t working for us at all. Nope, these gals are keeping all this juicy stuff to themselves like some Coca-Cola trade secret or chicken recipe that can only be handed down through generations of women.

However, in this recipe they really beat the egg whites until stiff!

Oh well, it won’t be the first great idea I’ve had to be snatched up by others (see Post-Its and vermouth flavored ice cubes). Let that other writer enjoy her unique idea and go to the bank with it. I’m sure I’ll come up with some other great book concept….wait here’s one –

Hairy Potter – this is the story of a furry wizard who along with his friends, Ron and Hermione, who are students at the Supercuts School of Witchcraft, Wizardry and Electrolysis.

Ah, think this concept needs some whipping into shape…ugh, there’s another Grey’s reference…

Happy reading!

About Wally

Wally Greene is both an eternal optimist and cynic, a waffling right-winger, a somewhat decent husband and father of three, budding masters swimmer, delusional comedy writer, chocolate lab lover, martini drinker and executive recruiter...not necessarily in that order.

2 thoughts on “Fifty Shades of Greene

  1. Wally

    My commenter Zoe speaks the truth. After a quick search online…wow quite the book. Nicci’s not related to me, and clearly she has a much better social life!


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